


The Blessings

by curi_o



Series: Pain for Jayne [2]
Category: Firefly
Genre: Content: Angst, F/M, Topics: Loss, Topics: Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-08-18
Updated: 2006-08-18
Packaged: 2017-11-08 22:54:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/448458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curi_o/pseuds/curi_o
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She was radiant, though whether it was the lighting or her joy or the life surrounding her, over and above and inside, he couldn’t know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Blessings

**Author's Note:**

> Pain for Jayne table prompt two: August
> 
> _Yeah, the blessings, at the moment I was most alone  
>  and aimless as a full-time fool, the joke was on me.  
> I got all those birds flying off of that tree, and that's a blessing._
> 
> _— "The Blessings", Dar Williams_

* * *

It was a yellow-blue August evening, warm and breezy. The sunrays, slanted low, bathed the Sihnon plateau pre-dusk gold. His boots crushed the grass beneath them, the same grass that looked so soft under River’s bare feet. She was radiant, though whether it was the lighting or her joy or the life surrounding her, over and above and inside, he couldn’t know.

It had been hard on them all, asking a new preacherman to do the job that should have been Book’s. The new one wasn’t a part of the ceremony the way Serenity’s Shepherd would have been. This man of God had never spoken to any of them of special hells, didn’t seem to have any dark secrets, had never let his hair down (or up, as it were) in front of them. He’d never given Kaylee strawberries or lifted weights with Jayne or gotten shot because of them. He was there to do a job, to fill a role only, and Book’s absence weighed heavy on those gathered.

There weren’t many of them, not as many as there should’ve been for such an event. Kaylee wore her pink gown (“Not much call to wear it in the black,” she’d said. “This may be the only chance for a long while.”); Simon, standing next to her, a dark suit. 

Mal’d flat-out refused such formal attire, though he did pull out a dress shirt and a pair of trousers no one had known existed. Inara, on his arm, wore an understated and modest violet number; Zoë, on Mal’s other side, stood tall in the dress she’d worn after Miranda.

The peaceful setting seemed surreal. Insects chirred in the grass and rabbits moved not fifteen feet away. The hike to reach the location River had chosen led them through a thriving wood. A yearling fawn had bounded across the path in front of them. Squirrels had scampered about, collecting nuts and hiding in the trees. Birds called to each other, blue jays and sparrows and hawks, while the party progressed in silence.

As they emerged onto the plain, a hawk had made a graceful dive, talons extended. They stopped to watch as it rose again with a ground squirrel in its grip. No one spoke; no one dared detract from the glorious majesty of the moment.

It was the abundance of life, he supposed. Life didn’t thrive like this in the black. He thanked River with his eyes for bringing them to this place. Even if she hadn’t done it for him, for any of them, it gave them all something they’d been missing: a sense of life’s utter simplicity and beauty.

Jayne’s attire had drawn stares from Mal and Simon. Even Inara’s eyes had widened at the tailored black suit over the light blue t-shirt he wore. He felt uncomfortable in the outfit, but the salesgirl had insisted that the blue matched his eyes and the whole getup made him look ten kinds of handsome.

He’d had River on his mind over the months he’d saved his cut from their jobs to afford the outfit. He’d squirreled away his trim money and spent less on liquor than any grown man ought. 

He’d seen her standing in the middle of the Reaver bodies, like the statue of a goddess from Earth-that-was. He’d seen her crying on Miranda, praying to be a stone. He’d seen her big brown eyes and her long, dark hair and her powerful legs. He’d seen the printout of the brain scan from Ariel ( _wo de ma_ , _Ariel_ ). He’d seen all of those things when he was near a whorehouse or in a bar. And he’d saved his credits.

He’d dreamt of her in his arms and woken himself crying. He’d dreamt of Ariel and woken pointing a gun at his head. He’d dreamt of the dance in the Maidenhead and woken with so great a desire, the pain drew a whimper. The whores were long gone from the wall of his bunk; the t-shirt she’d sliced, he kept under his pillow.

River danced across the plain to a music only she could hear, her simple yellow dress twisting with her movements and the breeze. When she stilled, her face was flushed and a joyful smile lit her face. The crown of braids and roses Inara had fashioned rested on her head more regally than any a queen had ever known. River gracefully moved to take her place, in front of the preacher who wasn’t theirs, where her fiancé waited.

And when the last words had been spoken and the bride and groom led the party away, hand in hand, Jayne felt the most exquisite pain in his chest. He noticed the hawk with its meal and wished it a long life. River had never once looked at him the way she looked at the man holding her hand. Jayne hadn’t known until it was too late; he hadn’t known he loved her until he had lost.

He’d thought about leaving Serenity. If she weren’t near, maybe he could forget. That was a lie, of course. The scar across his chest would keep her with him always. Better to stay and be sure she was safe, that her family was safe. Better to stay and be sure that he was safe.

He paused and took one last look at the plain. The fireflies were out, dancing and flickering as they sought their partners. He wanted to remember this when he was on his home in the black. In his mind, he thanked River again for this place. She’d brought them here and given them a piece of home. She’d chosen this place and shown them another kind of serenity.


End file.
